Things that confuse me about Americans... & Italians

1. Americans seem willing to eat or drink pretty much anything... At a gas station in Italy, I was served fresh squeezed orange juice. I received a beer anywhere I went, not be mention an excellent caffe. Can't decide where to eat while roaming the streets of any small Italian village? No problem, their all way better than most places you'd actually seek out in the States.

2. Americans care about things. We put them behind temperature controlled glass and put alarms all around them. Nature however is not worth quite that level of protection. Perhaps because we have plenty of nature and not art? Italians go out of their way to protect nature and expose art to all the "damage" of the elements and human contact.

3. Americans get quite agitated and rude when things don't go efficiently and how they want. Italians seem not fazed by so called delays or disruptions. Perhaps it's all the wine.

4. Americans can be seen not wearing the appropriate winter attire while being outside. Italians wear coats and other winter gear as part of their outfit. To go outside without a coat is to risk being called an "americano" by a nearby Italian.

5. Americans seem to think everyone speaks English, or perhaps they just think they should, thereby making few attempts to speak the language and resort to pointing to what they want. Italians appreciate those that attempt to communicate in Italian or another European language as they speak several.

6. Americans switch their fork between their right and left hands while eating. This seems to waste time, which is odd for them to do since we have a culture that prides itself on efficiency and productivity. Italians eat with their fork in their left-hand... all the time.

7. For some unknown reason, American wine under $7 is not exactly drinkable. Yet a bottle of wine in Italy for 3 euro is amazing.

8. Since we're talking about wine... when you purchase it State-side, each bottle is carefully wrapped in a paper bag. In Italy, wine is treated as water and all bottles purchased (be it 2 or 10) are all lumped together in one flimsy, yet large, plastic bag.

9. Americans like promptness. They like to be on time, and expect others to be timely which includes all bills. In Italy, the water bill is mailed once a year. The utility bill is mailed when they feel like (which could be six months or more leaving you with a 1000 euro bill). However, if you are pulled over with a police officer you are expected to pay your ticket on the spot. If you don't have the cash - they'll follow you until you do.

10. Americans like to recycle and force recycling to some extent - more or less depending on where you live. Italians are issued 52 bags for trash each year. Now that is a new level of forced recycling.

11. Americans have a bizarre relationship with alcohol and yet most states I believe have a legal driving limit around 0.08 and seem to encourage getting our past DUI offenders back on the road. Italy loves it's alcohol and yet has a legal driving limit of 0.05. Should you get a DUI in Italy, they will take possession of your car... permanently (even if you're still paying on it).

Buon Natale

We're throughly enjoying our 1st Christmas outside of the States. We slept in, worked out, made the pie filling and rolled out the dough, baked the chocolate pecan pie, got ready, threw in the lamb, boys played COD, girls Skyped, and now getting ready to eat. I'm trying to convince them all to go to some place warm for Christmas next year since it seemed everyone's flight was delayed coming in and out of Europe. I'm voting for Australia! Too bad it's such a long flight though. I might need more than one crochet project for that trip. I already finished Shaun's scarf I started on this one.

Trieste

The four of us went to Trieste yesterday. As we were driving through narrow roads with cars parked along both sides, Heather folded in her rear-view mirror and this quick paced Italian music was playing the radio. The entire scene reminded me the driving scene in the movie "French Kiss" where Luc is driving the stolen car through the streets of Paris. Only in this case, none of us were freaking out like Kate, but the music was similar. We went to a church and a fortress which were both really cool. The rain actually held off for a nice change. We got a fair bit of walking in though not as much as we did in Venice for sure! All of us had sore feet that night, so we were relieved to not have that much walking to do. We made another delicious meal at home and did all our shopping for Christmas dinner. I can't wait!

Veneiza

Went to Venice and I fell in love. I was fantasizing about staying there and living by the water. I'm picking up the language quickly enough... I'm sure I could find a job, right?! Even though it rained all day, we were still able to really enjoy ourselves. We saw lots of art at different churches and a museum. We went to San Marco's Basilica which was stunning and so was the view despite the fog. I'm really glad we came on this trip. We're having such a great time! (As if I didn't say that already.)

Ama stare in Italia

Our Italian trip continues in a relaxed state. Shaun stayed up last night until 6:30 this morning to watch the Bears game. Da Bears won, so his lack of sleep was apparently worth it :) Heather and I stayed up until 3:30 to get Shaun ready to watch the game and then to wake up Adam for work. After sleeping in, Heather, Shaun and I headed to an Italian supermarket for some things we needed to our Italian Christmas dinner. We got some good wines for 3 euro each. What is wrong with the wine in the states?! This wine is so good. Heather said at dinner tonight that we really enjoy food (after we talked about a meal we ate two years ago). Yes, we do appreciate the nuances of life. We all ate a pizzeria for dinner. I was a little nervous when all the other patrons were Americans. The crust was thicker than normal, but still good. The gellato was too cold and had some ice chips in it. So not the best meal, but good nonetheless - as in still better than most places and basically all chains in the States ;)

Meanwhile we're having some quality time while we're here. We've had some good convo with his brother and sister-in-law. We talked to some friends on Skype back home today that we're praying and doing accountability with. They are always encouraging and good at helping us put words to our feelings. We have enjoyed meeting with both of these couples and getting to know them more fully. It's been a blessing that during a time where we have felt in a dessert for other Christian couples, that the Lord has provided for some companionship. We have also been grateful that it's been fairly sunny so far (although it's supposed to rain all day when we go to Venice to walk around tomorrow). And Shaun has won at Settler's twice which he is quite excited about!

Italy so far

We ended up staying awake from 830AM Thursday to 11PM Friday. It was brutal. We can tell you the whole glob of stories later, but we basically would get bored waiting in one queue and go to another one. After the end of the day we ended up back in the same queue we started in - trying to get a hotel room. (Another lady we were in front of Friday said she waited in the hotel line for 7hrs, so we actually didn't miss anything.) So we got a free hotel room, dinner, 2 drinks each and a little overnight bag with a shirt, socks, and various toiletries that have been serving us well since we still don't have our bags yet. So that was Thursday night. Then Friday morning we arrived at the airport around 9AM and spent about an hour wandering around trying to figure how where to go. Then we waited in an extremely long (possible 6 mi) queue for 6hrs before re-booking a flight for 810PM. At about 845 they started kicking people out of the airport that had not rebooked. So we are extremely grateful we got that flight.

Meanwhile in queue, people were getting quite restless. One dude thought another one was cutting and another guy called him a dick but the guy wasn't cutting, he actually already had a boarding pass and had been waiting for 4 hours for nothing! It was by far the funnies thing I had heard all day. We had been all lighthearted and laughing the whole time and finally someone asked where we were from and we were all shocked that we're Americans! Look - we're finally getting a good name! And we chatted w/some Scottish guy, Colin the whole time. We have some stories about him later. But he was really fun. After about 5hrs he finally asked what I did and I said I was psychologist, specializing in trauma. He said, OH! Well no wonder this isn't bothering you! I guess your work really puts things into perspective! LOL :) Yeah, I guess so. I must admit that my entire perspective on queues as now been permanently changed. Then while waiting for our luggage some guy asked another lady how long she had been in Amsterdam and said he got in that line at 6AM and when he finally got to the front of the line he told the lady, "you get me a seat on a flight or I'm going home with you tonight. I guess she didn't want me to go home with her! HAHAHA" So, the lady asks him where he's from, and he said, "Oh I'm from Georgia." And she just goes, "Ah." Oh my gosh... STOP TALKING! No wonder people hate Americans.

Today was relaxing. We slept in til 1 and then sat around the house. We went to downtown and there was an outdoor market going on (maybe b/c of Christmas?) which was not normal so that was fun. We ate a hole-in-the-wall place and spoke all italiano. The funniest part was that I didn't look up what 1/2 liter of wine was so I thought it was litre e mezzo, which was actually a liter and a half of wine. We really wanted mezzo litre. Pssh. It was only an 8 euro mistake and we were able to finish it w/o problem :)

Adam & Heather have 2 cocker spaniels that are quite energetic. They are not bothering my allergies too much yet, but they have all tile flooring, so I know that helps. I know I'm glad God provided that for us for the two days of being awake (36hrs straight) and then 16hrs in queues. It was quite remarkable how calm I was which helped keep S calm. We still don't have our bags, but Adam & Heather's clothes are making do so that's a praise.

Embryo Adoption

So Shaun & I attended an adoption orientation meeting at Bethany, last Tuesday. The meeting went very well and they presented our different adoption options. Of all the options, embryo adoption seems the most appealing. Many of you asked me what that entails, so I'll try to line that out for you. Basically it's the latter half of the IVF process. Someone else's embryo would be carried by me allowing me the chance to be pregnant and recognized as the child's parents at birth. (They would have no genetic relation to either of us.)There's a 32% chance the embryo will go to full term. The adoption is a contract, so the donor's rights are terminated at the embryo's release instead of having a waiting period like a standard adoption where someone can reclaim their rights. You can read more about it here.

Novelist

I have successfully completed another novel for National Novel Writing Month. This year proved to be a healthy outlet for my rage as I wrote a sailing murder mystery. I had a lot of fun and realized in the process that I am a horrible murderer. I had a hard time coming with with dialogue for the murder scenes and an even harder time trying to decide if justice should prevail for my murderer, who was also the main character. So for any of you who were concerned you might be next, have no fear. I can't even write about it... let alone carry it out. I also took a brave step of sending it to two friends for "fun." I have yet to figure out what about this is fun as they are both critical thinkers... and well... critical people. But I suppose if I ever plan to at least print and bind one of these things, I should at least have someone get rid of my typos. Last year I was completely over writing when I did NaNoWriMo. Probably because I was in the throws of my 2nd year of grad school and writing a bunch of paper ta boot. This year I am actually lamenting that the month is over and actually feel compelled to perhaps work on this one a little more. And I'm already compiling suggestions for next year :)

"I think stories help us fight the nihilistic urges that constantly threaten to consume us."

We own a house!

I confess I feel so adult now! I can't believe I own my own house! It's exciting, yet nerveracking, fun and stressful all at the same time! Closing went fairly smoothly and our realtor was giddy about us finding and getting this house. The owners left all the keys and manuals with little sticky notes to tell us what everything was. Their eldest daughter wrote us a note telling us about all the memories she had of this house including what they played in the yard, basement and

Our first official guests were J&AR :) AR thought the house was quite fun, but we'll see if her opinion changes once we add some furniture. Upon our 1st 20mins of ownership we had a solicitation from a windom-guy and two neighborhood kids welcoming us to the neighbor with flowers and inquiring if we had kids. We had Pastor Bob come over today to pray for us and our new home.

We spoke with our organizing consultant about getting our closet systems designed and ordered! Then had SS & SJ over to help tape for the painting party! It was quite fun. US & our roomie also had our 1st meal in the new house... Ahmos of course. We got the new brick and tile ordered for the fireplace.

So much to be done and too much on my mind...

1 Day to Go!!

The final push for packing went extremely well. Apart from the kitchen, which is mostly untouched, the house is basically packed. It's a weird feeling to be doing things for the last time. We walked to the Mallets Creek Library for the last time. Probably cooked our last meal in the alley kitchen. And had a guest over for lunch. One of our pastors is coming to the house tomorrow to bless it and I'm really excited about that and leaving some memories behind in the townhouse.

2 Days & Counting!!!

So we picked out a new face for the fireplace and nearly all the paint colors today :) (At least all the paint colors we need to paint this week.) I'm so excited I keep thinking we close tomorrow!

Meanwhile, I had a blast sailing today and gave my 1st 2 lessons! My students said I did a great job which was both amusing and comforting. Then I went to a Mead Tasting in Ferndale which was quite good and now feel inspired to make my own mead. I told S I would prefer to have a "cellar" that consisted of meads, beers and wines were brewing, instead of 3000 bottles of some stuff we bought. I think this will be a fun yet tasty new hobby! (And I now have plenty of room to do it!)

3 Days & Counting

So we're closing on Monday after all! I'm so excited. Went sailing today, which was a lot of fun. Had dinner w/friends which was yummy and funny. Time for bed!

5 Days & Counting Take 2

Moving date got moved back a day... it was going to smoothly I guess. In other news our CD library has officially been saved into our iTunes library... whew... that only took 2 weeks! Now I can happily not feel the need to unpack these two boxes... at least not for awhile!

5 Days & Counting!!!!

So we received the final mortgage approval today and we're all officially set to close Monday! The boys have been doing a ton of packing and I think we're in pretty good shape for where we are. I suggested we move the kitchen early next week and then just eat dinners at the new house :)

6 Days & Counting!

It's amazing to me how much you don't need to live. A large majority of our possessions are in boxes, and yet we are still functioning... whaddya know...

One Week & Counting

So we're closing on our house in one week. I'm excited, yet anxious about the amount of boxes that still need to be packed. Shaun & I spent several hours packing this evening and my nest is officially in complete disarray. I hate that my nest is out of order. I ended up reading a copy of "Real Simple" today so I could look at pictures of places more organized and fun than my own home. I got some great new ideas of things to try to! It's weird to think about moving into a place that I won't be moving out of for quite sometime.

I laughed with one of my supervisors today as she pointed out that it seems like I feel trapped in the Mitten, while logically knowing I'm not. So many things, well people really, make it hard to live here. So many more things and people make me want to stay. It's weird to be known and start a season of learning to deepen relationships further than I have experienced up until now. My inner-gypsy is learning to re-channel her efforts into some more exotic vacation destinations instead of packing up and moving across the country again. (At least for now.)

I'm excited to be partnering in business and looking at all the things God has in store for us there. There's a lot in transition right now. Shaun teased that perhaps my life doesn't feel chaotic enough while I was asking him what he thought of interracial adoption. I assured him I wasn't look to adopt 11 children the same age this year, but just wanted some feedback ;) So if you know anyone that wants to help us pack... would you be so kind as to please send them our way!

Burden or Selfishness?

Anger rose in me again today as I thought of people in my life that are pushing that extremely large button I have. We'll call it, "the useless button." Not because I find these people actually useless, but merely because I haven't a clue what else to call it at the moment. The button's parameters have the following traits:
1. People paralyzed by fear to the point of being unable to move forward for months/years at a time.
2. People that seem to be blissfully unaware of the needs of others around them to the point of fulfilling their own selfish desires until specially told how they are needed.
3. People that too prideful to realize how their actions affect those around them, or even that their actions have an impact on anyone other than themselves.

While contemplating my anger I decided to take my own advice I give often. When angry, find a way to tap into your empathy for that person. This is mainly because anger often has a selfish root. So I decided to figure out how I'm being selfish.

Inspections CAN be fun

I did not know that an inspection of anything could be fun, however, when you are buying a home, suddenly inspections are fun (among other things). We lasted through a 3-hr inspection today and Inspector Dan did not find anything wrong with the house. So that's super exciting! We learned all about our radiant heating floor system, air filtration system, humidastat, and keeping up on grading our yard as the basement continues to settle. The word I would use to describe my current feeling on being a homeowner would be "inadequate." Mainly because I haven't the slightest clue how to do most things beyond changing a light bulb. I've never mowed a lawn, let alone fertilized or landscaped one. I haven't had to research garage door installation companies, or remember to get my furnace cleaned. So all of this will be a new experience for me (and us).

Per usual, Dr. Laid-back is unphased by all the things that come along with being a homeowner which is helpful for me. It's certainly keeping me from getting overwhelmed and to stay excited. I also called a friend and professional organizer to come for a consult on Monday. I'm excited to her what she has to say about how to organize our home before we move all our stuff in. I would like to create a good system so that I don't become a hoarder. My current purging plan consists of moving every year or two, but that will now be obsolete...at least for the foreseeable future. We're also thinking about hiring a professional landscape architect I know from Sailing Club. (Sailing Club is where all the good connections are made.) Dan mapped out what we have now for us and gave his thoughts about the garden placement. I asked a Botany Professor friend from Kvul to ID our trees for us. So all of that is very exciting as well as how smoothly it's all coming together!

WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!

See pictures here

built in 1927, renovated completely from 1998-2010, gourmet kitchen w/2009 stainless steel appliances, granite countertops and cherry cabinet. Finished attic and basement with radiant heated floors! Original windows and maple hardwood floors and fixtures. Buildable adjacent lot. 2-car garage. Charm of old with all the stuff you want in a new place. We love it!

AR

I love her. Her vocab is really growing even in French. She's even started answering me in French instead of just in English! She's know requesting Lil Pim in French all the time. "Watch French! More French! Watch French!" She's saying, "au revoir" and "jouyent" :) She's so fun!

New Look for a new Season

It occurred to me this week that I've had this blog (and template) since 2004. That's a long time to have one template... especially for a gal that loves her options! So, I have decided to finally upgrade! It look less than 2mins to choose... and I might not leave it up for another 6yrs, but I'm loving it for the moment. This is exactly what I needed as I enter this new season of life.

Part of this new season includes a new, real career. Clients have been slow to come in, but my thesis I confess is not yet completed. Perhaps, clients will call once I officially finish my thesis? That's what I'm hoping. In the meantime I'm recommitted to finishing it soon. And I figure if I actually admit that to the "world" on my blog, then I might actually do it. I'm not typically a procrastinator by design. I tend to keep up on things or do them early. Yet for some reason this whole thesis business is throwing me for a loop. I think I finally decided it's because I think I should know more about my topic than I actually do and since I don't, I'm not writing it. Once this realization had appeared I have since decided that it's silly and shouldn't be followed henceforth. So I'm working on it today :)

Also in this new season includes house shopping, which I just noted I have not discussed at all! So in house hunting... my friend told me this should be looked at as a lot of blind dates. There are many times where you'll have wished you had left at the salad, but you find yourself ordering dessert. But then, one day, you'll find THE ONE. Well, I'm still waiting to find THE ONE (for houses that is) and I've begun to embrace the "blind date" mentality that is house shopping. Perhaps it's because there are so many options in Southeast MI that I'm being too choosy? But then again, I was choosy with a husband and that seems to be working out splendidly. Maybe I'm expecting too much concerning my stage of life, and the cost of living in A2? I'm not sure, but this is proving to be a much lengthier process that I had 1st hoped. Meanwhile I'm being reminded of the fruit of patience (in more ways than one). So we've found a couple houses we could live with, but none that feel right. (Yes, I want it to "feel" right... I am an "F" after all). But, at least Shaun and I agree on what's important in a house... so we're still on the hunt.

We still have a roommate. It's been one year this month and I can say that it has grown Shaun and I a lot to have another person living with us 24/7. It has been a good experience for us, and while we were ready to move out ourselves a few months ago, we have settled back into a rhythm. Once again, impatient branches are being pruned. It appears our roommate will have a job soon and be moving on and for this I am actually quite sad. At least my approach to good-byes is to not think about them until they've passed and that way you enjoy every minute you have.

Last but not least in this season of patience improvement we are still without child. My anticipated reaction was one of retreat and hiding. I'm pleasantly surprised to find myself quiet and sad but not overwhelmed by grief. When I look at this piece of the puzzle in light of the bigger picture of this season it seems that patience is all around. With patience comes self-control and I could sure use more of that! So I'm learning to rest in the lesson.

4th of July!

Tis my favorite holiday of them all. Grilled food, people I love, warm weather, and of course - fireworks. Few things in life get me to apply the "romantic" label, yet, white roses, dinner cruises and fireworks make the very short list. I love fireworks! They are fun, bright, loud and romantic. This year we had 3 day extravaganza. Friday night we had a friend over and Shaun made pork tenderloin tacos and margaritas. And we watched my all-time favorite movie, Almost Famous while playing Scrabble! Saturday we went to the Sailing Club where we ate grilled food and watched the fireworks over Portage Lake. Sunday we had more friends over and Shaun made grilled mint chicken skewers, potato salad and shortcake biscuits with mixed berry topping out of the berries Dan and I handpicked. Oh man was it yummy. Then we played two games of Settlers. What an awesome weekend!

Living with Boys

While I prefer to live with men over women, I've come to realize a few, shall we say, appalling traits of such an arrangement. For instance, the other day I examined my shower curtain THE DAY the cleaning lady had left. She does not clean the shower curtain per her normal duties, so this was not disturbing, but what I saw on there was! It looks like a science experiment! What do they do in there?! Being an only child and then a single woman I've always had my own shower until I got married. I assure you that my shower curtain NEVER looked like that. So, I was inclined to take care of it in one attempt... so I poured straight bleach on it, turned a fan out to blow the air out the window and left. Several hours later I returned to find the slimy things growing on there to just be lighter in color but not actually gone... what a mess. I may just have to forgo my attempts at correcting the problem and get a new curtain. Then this morning I come downstairs to find the sink and counter littered with dishes. Status of the dishwasher? Basically empty, and the few things that were in there were not organized.

They also makes weird noises...

Caring --> Not Caring

I asked someone tonight how one goes from caring for someone to stop caring for someone? Their reply, "because they didn't care in the first place." Awesome. Why didn't they care? How do you have a relationship with someone and not care? I wanna know how to do that! Even people I don't like, or strongly detest, I still care about. I don't wish harm upon them and am sad when they experience illness, job termination and the like. Alas, why do they not care about others? How self-absorbed could you possibly be? If you don't care, then you are just using people to meet your own needs, and then once they're no longer of use to you, they can be cast aside like a piece of trash - never to be thought of again. Like the flowers of the ground, when the wind carries them away, the ground remembers them no more. I am a flower... lost to the wind.

More Excitement

So, yesterday was the first Saturday Boat School I've been able to attend in like a month. Between Women on Target, and 2 weddings I haven't been around on Saturdays. So, I exceeded my goal again, this time passing the Capsizing and Rules tests. Commodore Kevin was very through on my Rules Test. He must be an "SJ." I stayed for Intermediate School and got to go out again, this time for like an hour and a half. Needless to say, I am quite burnt. Heat was radiating off me at lobster proportions last night and today. But at least I had fun.

A bunch of us were going to see Shakespeare in the Arb last night and opted for a house party instead. We have great grilled food, and brownies :) AR was most impressed w/Shaun's mac & cheese requesting "more noodles" several times. JR said that the boys have spoiled her by taking her to Panda and letting her have "mice" AND noodles. So now when JR says she's making rice, AR says, "and noodles?" She's hilarious. I haven't laughed that much in awhile and realized it's nice to have friends now that aren't connected to old friends. And I'm really enjoying the company of other women lately. Which is cool considering one of my New Year's resolutions was to spend more time with Christian women!

All that laughter came in handy as today was a sad day overall. I just wish I didn't care, or hurt, or thought about it anymore...

4 Follies

Quick update. We could end up w/quads. I'm more scared of not getting any than getting quads though. I hate the waiting game. I hate wanting. I hate caring. And sadly, most of me still seems to hate desires... or at least this desire. So we'll see what happens I guess.

More Sailing Tests

So my goals now has become to get at least one thing checked off each time I'm at the club. Tonight, I exceeded my goal by getting both my rigging and unrigging tests signed off! I was super excited that I got the boat all rigged and was content to simply take it back ashore. But Rob suggested to go out and he would crew for me. It turned out to be a great lesson and now finally feel comfortable tacking. (Which is pretty important.) I had fun and my roomie got to kayak around the lake and had a great time too. What a pleasant evening at the lake :)

Women on Target

Today was my 2nd appearance at the annual Women on Target event hosted by the NRA and the Tri-County Sportmans League of Saline. I actually did well at archery this year (the coach next to me said I was doing better than him, he's now embarrassed and thinks I need to go Target Shooting w/him). Still had a blast at the Action & Pin Shoots where I was again told, "you are a natural" (or maybe I can just follow directions well) and "don't let any man try to give you a 22 when you get bulls-eyes w/a 45." 12 & 20 gauge shot guns at the Trap & Turkey shoots respectively were not much to write home about. (I did better last year.) Really enjoyed the 22 Rifle range (where I did do better last year). Last stop: 22 Ruger Pistol range where proceeding the event my coach requesting a picture with me as I was the only perfect score of the day, then hunted me down after the event to force me to sign up for a competition in July.... What just happened?! Well, at least I had a blast and found a few guns I would buy!

Adventures Needed

It occurred to me that my blog theme is being at sea... the concept of where you're just floating around, waiting to see where you go and what gets washed up on shore with you. Yet, I can't for the life of you tell you why I did this. When my friend was helping me set up my blog she wanted to know what to call it... and that's literally the 1st thing that came to mind... thoughts from afar, as though I was at sea, looking for the shore.

Ironically 7yrs later, I have joined the UofM Sailing Club. This too was a snap decision. My friend told me about it on like a Thursday about a month ago, and then in that moment, I realized I should join. Friday while he and I were at lunch w/Shaun, I told him I wanted to do it. And Saturday we were out at the club. The following week I began to wonder what I had gotten myself into as my friend and I began to practice knot tying and I totally panicked. "Ummm," I'm thinking to myself as my friend, and now my roommate are casually picking up all these knots from a You Tube video and I'm left with some sort of twisted piece of rope I'm not sure will come undone. "Maybe I should quit the sailing club, this was a dumb idea, I'm not a sailor!" These were my second thoughts as I have now switched to be one-on-one tutored by my roommate on how to tie these knots. "I can't believe I think I can do this." Another thought after failing my 1st "Knots Test." And this does not include the myriad of thoughts swirling about physics... how much I hate it, why would I possibly need to know any of it to sail, and aren't we just supposed to be having fun here?! Fun does not include math people!

So then comes this past Saturday. My friend is out of state visiting family, so I had to go it alone. You know alert I am in the morning, and despite him loaning me his GPS to get me there, I still got lost. (Somehow I chose the wrong "Favorites" address... which luckily was right by I-94.) Yet, even more surprising is that I arrived 10mins early! (Seriously like a record...) So here I am, 2nd person there, and the Vice Commadore tells me to go rig a boat. "Oh sure, no problem, yeah, umm, where are the sails? I need a what? A rudder? Where's that? Oh yeah, of course right in front of me... because I didn't even know what I was looking for.) So of course, I have done no reading in my lil sailing book; nor have I seen anyone rig a boat before in my life. Well, here we go. So the skipper stands on the dock (above me) coaching me how to rig this boat. Then I got out for a sailing lesson with this super competitive and talkative chick. (I was so glad I had eased into my morning by this point.) All is well, so then I offer to rig another boat. This time however, I'm given no instruction and just left to my own devices. So I'm talking to God, asking Him how I just got myself into rigging a boat by myself and praying that no one dies or is injured due to this and He reminds me things to do. So I only forgot 4 things from getting the sails to docking and raising the sails... not bad.

So I'm rushing home to shower for my graduation party (which I was exactly on time for!) and God asks me, "Why do you think you can't do anything?" Hmm, well, umm, hmmm. So then I start to realize all these things God is teaching me through the Sailing Club. I'm reminded that I enjoy being challenged. I'm completely out of my comfort zone and hate talking to strangers. With practice, I can tie knots... and I passed my test. And I might even be capable of learning a small amount of physics too. God was also teaching me about competition in a few ways. Like I realized if I was competitive (or perhaps a "J") I would actually feel compelled to get things checked off my ratings list, which I really don't. (The ratings list is the what qualifies you to take a boat out by yourself, but I don't want to go by myself...) And perhaps part of the reason I don't like competition is I don't feel competent. Which is also the reason it seems that I'm hyper-apologetic. I'm apologizing to you for my incompetence so you won't get mad and leave me. How's that for a revelation. So perhaps I don't push myself like I could.

So all that to say (which I realize was a lot) brings me to my title. Another friend on Friday said he was worried about me and thinks I'm longing for adventure, but searching for it in the wrong places. I had never considered myself an adventurous person, but maybe I am after all. So with this in mind, I can get more excited about checking things off my ratings list, because then I will be able to skipper a boat and be at sea :)

"Well I've only known you less than a year..."

I seem to have this effect on people. Where somehow you think/feel you've known me longer than you really have despite it being perhaps a year... or less. A friend I met last summer asked me today if we had that conversation in the summer of 08 or 09... well I didn't know her til 09... Her response upon me pointing this out? "Good grief." Yes, I know... time flies when you're introspecting. Maybe because I'm always with myself, and all I feel I know all my friends well, I guess I take my relational style for granted. Today we packed up some friends we met a year and a half ago. They are moving back to Knoxville. Shaun and I being the expert movers and packers that we (only due to practice) got everything to fit that needed to fit... with room to spare. We had dinner at the Zingerman's Roadhouse where I fell in love w/their sweet potato fries! (Honey, can you make me this?) And per usual, it didn't hit me that they were moving until we got ready to hug good-bye. That's when it always hits me... that this will be our last hug for a long while. I've enjoyed getting to know them, and I really like her pursuit of adventure. )She was very proud of me for passing my "Knots Test" for sailing!) I hate good-byes... they never feel fair.

Graduation Party!

I had my graduation party today. I combined many folks that haven't met and don't normally spend time together as I know them from different spheres. They all mingled and got along extremely well. Shaun made the antipasti platter complete w/yummy cured meats, marinated olives, cheese and baguettes... and of course, a cake complete with a cap and scroll! I had such an amazing time. I didn't escape to the kitchen to do dishes. I didn't spontaneously start cleaning up. In fact, when it came time for the last guest to leave, he asked if we wanted help cleaning up... and I confessed I hadn't given clean-up a second thought! It was such a joy and a blessing to have many of my favorite people all in one room together.

So, as a recent seminary graduate I'm realizing that I do thrive on chaos after all. I like to be challenged and I really am an extrovert.

I Stand at the Door By Sam Shoemaker

I stand by the door.
I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.

Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.

Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away. So for them too,
I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.

Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door.

Things I was thinking about...

Beth Moore in "Breaking Free" gives us 5 thgs that are our birth right:
1) To know God and believe Him
2) To glorify God
3) To find satisfaction in God
4) To expc God's peace
5) To enjoy God's presence

Then gives 5 obstacles that prevent these from happening
1. Unbelief
2. Pride
3. Idolatry
4. Prayerlessness
5. Legalism

She later says, "If our liberty in Christ is going to be a reality in life, we are going to have to learn to walk in the freedom of Christ, independent of everyone else we know." Of course we need to rely on the BODY of Christ to help us so we can glorify Him together. She asked us what areas of captivity we had been set free from already. So I realized that I have been freed from the bondages of lying, insecurity, judgmentalness. How exciting is that?! Beth also says, "God hears the cry of the oppressed. He even hears the cries of those whose oppression is a result of sin and rebellion." Life is way too short for me to feel sorry for myself because of my sin because there is life and freedom through what God did.

I was really struck by the Heb word "aman" meaning to be firm, enduring, to trust and I asked myself how I had found Him to be faithful and trustworthy. His Word says He is, answers to prayer and that He tells me to trust Him when I'm struggling. Words to think about today for sure.

Couintry Songs I Like

The list is growing... here's the latest additions:

Trace Adkins "You're gonna miss this" - I love the lyrics to this one. It's so true, yet sometimes I'm glad it's over b/c I love where I'm at too.

Kenny Chesney "Dont Blink" - Wow, really like this and the lyrics are so true!

Jason Aldean "Amarillo Sky" - Hmm, makes me realize that G.A.P. & He gives us everything we need.

Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying" - This is very cool!

Josh Turner "Would you go with me" - This is a super fun song... so cute :)

"Not knowing what shall befall me there." --Acts 20:22

I KNOW not what will befall me: God hangs a mist o’er my eyes;
And thus, each step of my onward path,
He makes new scenes arise.
And every joy He sends to me comes like a sweet surprise.

I see not a step before me as I tread on another year;
But I’ve left the past in God’s keeping,—the future His mercy shall clear.
And what looks dark in the distance may brighten as I draw near.

For perhaps the dreaded future is less bitter than I think;
The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink.
Or, if Marah must be Marah, He will stand beside its brink. It may be He keeps waiting, for the coming of my feet.

Some gift of such rare blessedness, some joy so strangely sweet,
That my lips shall only tremble with the thanks they cannot speak.
O restful, blissful ignorance! ’tis blessëd not to know;
It keeps me still in those mighty Arms which will not let me go,
And lulls my weariness to rest on the Bosom that loves me so.

So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might;
I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light;
I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight.

My heart shrinks back from trials which the future may disclose,
Yet I never had sorrow but what the dear Lord chose;
So I send the coming tears back with the whispered words, “He knows.”

--Mary Gardiner Brainard

Quote for the day

"Have you ever been in love? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore." -Neil Gaiman

I can't imagine my life not being impacted by those whom I love. However, sometimes I feel as though my life would be better off without all these divots on my heart where those that got in did damage. Sometimes I invited them there, and other just appeared, or got in by force. The feeling is the same. You touched my heart. You reworked part of it. My life got messier as a result. Divots are impressions on the soul. Once they are there, you are never the same afterward. I am forever changed by your love.

Favorite Quotes

"No one ever poses hypotheticals for things that turn out well." - Me

"Adrianne, superficial conversation is your kryptonite." - Jennifer Jones

"Rare is the person that is ready for your level of engagement." - Dr. Shaun Clarke

"It's an ironic thing, trust. You need it to become intimate, but trust comes from intimacy." - Andrew Ward

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe

"Never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun." Miss Penny Lane

"Speak the Lord's truth even when your voice shakes and I think He will provide the strength to carry your voice, A." - Jennifer Jones

Satan deceives us in saying, "You are not really sinning; You can never change; and You will not be happy if you leave this lifestyle." - Dee Brestin

"It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick...I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." - Jesus

"God can't use a person to the maximum until he or she has been deeply hurt." - A.W. Tozer

Happiness isn't something you experience, it's something you remember. - Oscar Levant

"Sin will take you farther than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay and cost you more than you thought you'd pay." - Kay Arthur

It's not what happens to us that matters, but what happens in us.

"Women are like tea bags. Put them in hot water and their true strength emerges." "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"The only truths that eventually grip Christians at the core of their being are the truths by which they consistently live." - Larry Crabb