"If DEATH my friend and me divide,
tho dost not, Lord, my sorrow chide,
or frown my tears to see;
restrained from passionate excess,
thou bidst me mourn in clam distress
for that rest in thee.
I feel a strong immortal hope,
which bears my mournful spirit up,
beneath its mountain load;
redeemed from death, and grief, and pain,
I soon shall find my friend again
within the arms of God.
Pass a few fleeting moments more
and death the blessing shall restore
which death has snatched away;
for me tho wilt the summons send,
and give me back my parted friend
in that eternal day."
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
God is a God of Beauty
The sermon this morning was titled "God is a God of beauty." His main points were God makes things to enjoy them; He's not just a utilitarian. Things, people have instrinic beauty, and are not just beautiful because someone says so (i.e. "beauty is in the eye of the beholder). This of course means... well, that I have intrinsic beauty...
I've been struggling lately with some concepts. Concepts like, you might actually like me as a person, or be attracted to my heart, or heaven forbid, enjoy me. You might not be spending time with me just because I'm useful to you or because you want to use me. Not everyone may have received the script to abuse me, reject me and abandon me. God has placed me in MI where people aren't doing this. People are trying to care for me on an entirely different level that has made me wish I had to move out of state yet again. It's only exposed that I don't know how to receive care. My friend CD tonight said this, "ur heart is the most beautiful thing about u.... ur an amazing person." My friend, BC said, "God created you that way... and in Christ your heart is perfect and pure." It's easy for me to dismiss this comments usually with thoughts like "it's all Him" and "I have no righteousness of my own." BC said, "it is... but He chose to give it to you." So if I have His... then I have some...which only sent me into a panicked state.
I realized that I've bought into the idea in the current evangelical church that says beauty is expendable, not needed to the point that frugality equals righteousness. I still have the mindset that I make 18K/yr... while I see money as merely a tool for God's kingdom and not just to acquire stuff, I think I've taken it too far. Not only have I tied in my own value (or beauty) into my worth I've now tied others worth to their usefulness, including stewardship of money, time, resources, gifts. I try to use "mine" to the fullest... but I never just enjoy beauty, because to enjoy something is to enjoy it at it's core, it's being, it's intrinsic value. I don't know if I can do that because I don't see my own intrinsic value.
Rev. 3:16 "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth" has been coming up nearly daily since June 24th at the Rise Against concert. God has been showing me all the things I'm "lukewarm" about. I was thinking about my body, how I don't love it or hate it, it's just kinda there to help me do things. But J/CR pointed out tonight that we will have this body in Heaven, not a body we don't recognize... and everything we do here is preparing us for Heaven including what we do to our bodies. So, if I don't use my creativity here, then I won't be given creative tasks in Heaven; if I don't take care of my body here it will be reflected in Heaven. What we do here does matter. It's not all futile, but I've been living in part as if that were true. It's like gnosticism...
So, I'm not sure where these musings will lead me next, but I'm buckled in to find out.
I've been struggling lately with some concepts. Concepts like, you might actually like me as a person, or be attracted to my heart, or heaven forbid, enjoy me. You might not be spending time with me just because I'm useful to you or because you want to use me. Not everyone may have received the script to abuse me, reject me and abandon me. God has placed me in MI where people aren't doing this. People are trying to care for me on an entirely different level that has made me wish I had to move out of state yet again. It's only exposed that I don't know how to receive care. My friend CD tonight said this, "ur heart is the most beautiful thing about u.... ur an amazing person." My friend, BC said, "God created you that way... and in Christ your heart is perfect and pure." It's easy for me to dismiss this comments usually with thoughts like "it's all Him" and "I have no righteousness of my own." BC said, "it is... but He chose to give it to you." So if I have His... then I have some...which only sent me into a panicked state.
I realized that I've bought into the idea in the current evangelical church that says beauty is expendable, not needed to the point that frugality equals righteousness. I still have the mindset that I make 18K/yr... while I see money as merely a tool for God's kingdom and not just to acquire stuff, I think I've taken it too far. Not only have I tied in my own value (or beauty) into my worth I've now tied others worth to their usefulness, including stewardship of money, time, resources, gifts. I try to use "mine" to the fullest... but I never just enjoy beauty, because to enjoy something is to enjoy it at it's core, it's being, it's intrinsic value. I don't know if I can do that because I don't see my own intrinsic value.
Rev. 3:16 "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth" has been coming up nearly daily since June 24th at the Rise Against concert. God has been showing me all the things I'm "lukewarm" about. I was thinking about my body, how I don't love it or hate it, it's just kinda there to help me do things. But J/CR pointed out tonight that we will have this body in Heaven, not a body we don't recognize... and everything we do here is preparing us for Heaven including what we do to our bodies. So, if I don't use my creativity here, then I won't be given creative tasks in Heaven; if I don't take care of my body here it will be reflected in Heaven. What we do here does matter. It's not all futile, but I've been living in part as if that were true. It's like gnosticism...
So, I'm not sure where these musings will lead me next, but I'm buckled in to find out.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Random & Sporadic
Warning: Many thoughts that don't connect.
1) I have 5 weddings to attend this year... wedding madness is in the air. Oh the sweet aroma. Stef and I reminisced today about how much we hated wedding planning and talking about all the "if's" of what we could do differently now. I'm hoping all my bride and grooms to be have an easier go at it then us :)
2) Two more friends have announced their pregnancy - and to my excitement, I was elated! I held my friend's newborn at the retreat and just loved it. And loved handing him back for a full night's sleep. God is good.
3) I got another email from a testimony listener today - it was incredibly thoughtful. I feel overwhelming encouragement. This makes my 9th email. I decided to create a gDoc to store all these emails and save them for future encouragement when I get down about my ministry.
4) While contemplating my testimony a couple weeks ago I stumbled across this quote from a friend (DM's) page and I'm still in awe by how it penetrates my soul:
"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them-words shrink things that seemed limitless in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. ……The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried....... And you make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear…."
5) Beth Moore says, "God hears the cry of the oppressed. He even hears the cries of those whose oppression is a result of sin and rebellion." My friend Jess said life is too short to feel sorry for yourself and that there's freedom in what God did. Indeed. I was really struck by the Heb word "aman" means to be firm, enduring, to trust. I asked myself how I had found Him to be faithful and trustworthy. His Word says He is, answers to prayer and that He tells me to trust Him when I'm struggling. Then I came across Hab 3:2: Lord, I have heard of your fame, I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known. (Which I think ties in nicely with my post from yesterday.)
6) There are only 6 weeks left in my semester - how did that happen? I need to write more!
7) I'm struggling with how to talk to a . . . person, acquaintance, casual friend. I'm feeling led to talk to him, but feeling he's totally uninteresting. And sense he feels the same way towards me. Maybe God will chose to use someone instead...
1) I have 5 weddings to attend this year... wedding madness is in the air. Oh the sweet aroma. Stef and I reminisced today about how much we hated wedding planning and talking about all the "if's" of what we could do differently now. I'm hoping all my bride and grooms to be have an easier go at it then us :)
2) Two more friends have announced their pregnancy - and to my excitement, I was elated! I held my friend's newborn at the retreat and just loved it. And loved handing him back for a full night's sleep. God is good.
3) I got another email from a testimony listener today - it was incredibly thoughtful. I feel overwhelming encouragement. This makes my 9th email. I decided to create a gDoc to store all these emails and save them for future encouragement when I get down about my ministry.
4) While contemplating my testimony a couple weeks ago I stumbled across this quote from a friend (DM's) page and I'm still in awe by how it penetrates my soul:
"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them-words shrink things that seemed limitless in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. ……The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried....... And you make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear…."
5) Beth Moore says, "God hears the cry of the oppressed. He even hears the cries of those whose oppression is a result of sin and rebellion." My friend Jess said life is too short to feel sorry for yourself and that there's freedom in what God did. Indeed. I was really struck by the Heb word "aman" means to be firm, enduring, to trust. I asked myself how I had found Him to be faithful and trustworthy. His Word says He is, answers to prayer and that He tells me to trust Him when I'm struggling. Then I came across Hab 3:2: Lord, I have heard of your fame, I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known. (Which I think ties in nicely with my post from yesterday.)
6) There are only 6 weeks left in my semester - how did that happen? I need to write more!
7) I'm struggling with how to talk to a . . . person, acquaintance, casual friend. I'm feeling led to talk to him, but feeling he's totally uninteresting. And sense he feels the same way towards me. Maybe God will chose to use someone instead...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
2009 Knox Women's Retreat
So I attended the women's retreat with our church last weekend. I was on the planning committee, so I was pretty busy the whole time, but I'm glad I went. I walked away with a few thoughts I wanting to share, some questions to ponder and of course, some God moments...
Friday night was interesting in that I got there, all settled in, and it wasn't really hectic. I realized that I hadn't really thought about the fact that I was there to spend some alone time with God. I had been so busy writing 2 papers, taking a mid-term in Trinitarianism and taking a quiz that I hadn't mentally prepared to be there. I started talking with my friend Deb at the registration table as we were getting the ladies checked in and settled. I realized how much I enjoy working with the women at Knox and how much I love serving these women. Annherst spoke that night about Christian friendships and community. I had to laugh because I kept thinking that she was saying everything that I always say! It was great to be reaffirmed about intentional, transparent relationships. We ended the session and I had organized a spa night for the ladies. My massage therapist friend came and gave 10 minute massages, and I had a hand and nail stations set up for them to dip, scrub and rub and then I painted their nails. It went over so well. (Ya know you don't hear about men doing a spa night at their retreats!) Then Jenny and I had an amazing chat at the hot tub awaiting our call from Andy and Laura - as he was proposing. So my best friend got engaged... so stoked!!
Saturday I was awoken way to early... and of course, that means like before 10am :) It was indeed 8am. Diane spoke in the morn from John 15. There's an intimacy in John's Gospel - an intimacy He wants with us, so much, that He gave us His word, and asked us to abide in Him. When you see a vineyard you can be surprised how much has to be lobbed off in order for the vine to bear fruit the next season. We can be lobbed in actions, words or in our heart. But abiding doesn't mean that we're busy bearing fruit all the time, because by root, abiding happens in Him and is more of a static word. And when the roots are the most deep are when Jesus needs to uproot us the most. (No wonder I had to live in three states in one year...) Abiding is more about patience, steadfastness and perseverance. By acting like shriveled branches we are depriving ourselves of the most deep love that's offered in Christ. We will be amazed at the fruit on the branches. Take the promises off the shelf and start believing in what He can do and then ask Him for them.
We had personal quiet time... which was most interesting. I basically realized that I need to be expecting more from Him... more on this later. We broke up into discussion groups and I decided if the group I was leading had a lull I would ask them this additional question: What have you been avoiding that God is calling you to do and what steps can you make towards obedience as you leave the retreat? There was indeed a lull, and I got some interesting responses to my question. I saw a theme in my group - women not believing that we are told that we will do greater things than He. The evening testimony had me tears. Eileen spoke of living in a foreign land for 13 yrs and touched my heart with her statement about how you can be so lonely in a crowd of people. Her heart for community and people is not unlike mine. I realized that I too find myself with that feeling often... perhaps because I don't allow others to minister to me in the way I insist on ministering to them. Sufficed to say, an amazing intercessory prayer time and more awesome convos later - it was bed time.
Sunday's talk was good. But I was still mulling over the thoughts from the night before. I've been contemplating the following since my return...
How much of my ministry am I trying to do in the Flesh instead of in Him? Are Jesus' words penetrating me to the point of wanting to ask Him for things?
Friday night was interesting in that I got there, all settled in, and it wasn't really hectic. I realized that I hadn't really thought about the fact that I was there to spend some alone time with God. I had been so busy writing 2 papers, taking a mid-term in Trinitarianism and taking a quiz that I hadn't mentally prepared to be there. I started talking with my friend Deb at the registration table as we were getting the ladies checked in and settled. I realized how much I enjoy working with the women at Knox and how much I love serving these women. Annherst spoke that night about Christian friendships and community. I had to laugh because I kept thinking that she was saying everything that I always say! It was great to be reaffirmed about intentional, transparent relationships. We ended the session and I had organized a spa night for the ladies. My massage therapist friend came and gave 10 minute massages, and I had a hand and nail stations set up for them to dip, scrub and rub and then I painted their nails. It went over so well. (Ya know you don't hear about men doing a spa night at their retreats!) Then Jenny and I had an amazing chat at the hot tub awaiting our call from Andy and Laura - as he was proposing. So my best friend got engaged... so stoked!!
Saturday I was awoken way to early... and of course, that means like before 10am :) It was indeed 8am. Diane spoke in the morn from John 15. There's an intimacy in John's Gospel - an intimacy He wants with us, so much, that He gave us His word, and asked us to abide in Him. When you see a vineyard you can be surprised how much has to be lobbed off in order for the vine to bear fruit the next season. We can be lobbed in actions, words or in our heart. But abiding doesn't mean that we're busy bearing fruit all the time, because by root, abiding happens in Him and is more of a static word. And when the roots are the most deep are when Jesus needs to uproot us the most. (No wonder I had to live in three states in one year...) Abiding is more about patience, steadfastness and perseverance. By acting like shriveled branches we are depriving ourselves of the most deep love that's offered in Christ. We will be amazed at the fruit on the branches. Take the promises off the shelf and start believing in what He can do and then ask Him for them.
We had personal quiet time... which was most interesting. I basically realized that I need to be expecting more from Him... more on this later. We broke up into discussion groups and I decided if the group I was leading had a lull I would ask them this additional question: What have you been avoiding that God is calling you to do and what steps can you make towards obedience as you leave the retreat? There was indeed a lull, and I got some interesting responses to my question. I saw a theme in my group - women not believing that we are told that we will do greater things than He. The evening testimony had me tears. Eileen spoke of living in a foreign land for 13 yrs and touched my heart with her statement about how you can be so lonely in a crowd of people. Her heart for community and people is not unlike mine. I realized that I too find myself with that feeling often... perhaps because I don't allow others to minister to me in the way I insist on ministering to them. Sufficed to say, an amazing intercessory prayer time and more awesome convos later - it was bed time.
Sunday's talk was good. But I was still mulling over the thoughts from the night before. I've been contemplating the following since my return...
How much of my ministry am I trying to do in the Flesh instead of in Him? Are Jesus' words penetrating me to the point of wanting to ask Him for things?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
GISF = God is so fun!!!
God is so good to me... I shared my testimony at church a little over a week ago now. My small group and prayer warriors have been praying about it for nearly three months and then it was here! I couldn't believe how surreal it was to be that open in front of that many people. Jenn had a crazy week so we couldn't really process like we usually do because we were processing only her craziness... and everyone seemed tied up! It was wild. Jenn said as I was getting ready to head to church that maybe I wasn't supposed to think about it too much, but just let Holy Spirit lead it and do it. So that's what happened and WOW! It was so fruitful just as God said it would be! We had 10 people come up for prayer and countless women came to share how my story had touched them! Yay God! I've even had people following up with me the last two Sundays after church talking to me about it. It's simply incredible! I pray God continues to use me and my story for His kingdom!!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Preggo?! What else is new...
OK... so I always told myself I would never become one of those bitter women who no longer lept for joy at the news of her friends announcing their pregnancy. How selfish I thought they sounded. Of course, logically, I realize God's in control, having a baby right now would be hideous timing, and not to mention extremely costly to my school and home life. But there's nothing rational about having a baby...
Since December 2007 we've perpetually had 12 friends pregnant. As soon as one gives birth, another friend pops up within a week to announce her news. We even had one friend miscarry and still had a 'replacement.' Sigh. We had friends tell us today they are expecting. And I didn't jump up and down, start clapping, or spring to the phone to squeal my excitement. And then it hit me - I've become one of THEM! Oh my. I don't know how this happened. When I stopped believing in my heart and only with my head. But I'm praying this too will pass and I can be filled with joy for the new blessing that will be entering our lives.
Since December 2007 we've perpetually had 12 friends pregnant. As soon as one gives birth, another friend pops up within a week to announce her news. We even had one friend miscarry and still had a 'replacement.' Sigh. We had friends tell us today they are expecting. And I didn't jump up and down, start clapping, or spring to the phone to squeal my excitement. And then it hit me - I've become one of THEM! Oh my. I don't know how this happened. When I stopped believing in my heart and only with my head. But I'm praying this too will pass and I can be filled with joy for the new blessing that will be entering our lives.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
A Test For Your Salvation
So there's this song called, "Who Can Pluck Us" by this Christian rapper guy named Flame (that I keep wanting to call Flash). Rap usually isn't my genre of choice, but being with Shaun for nearly 11 yrs can wear a girl down to appreciate some of almost anything. So during the song he starts rattling off a list of ways to know if you're saved. I found this list very intriguing and goes as follows:
Do you enjoy fellowship with God?
Are you sensitive to sin?
Do you obey God’s Word?
Do you reject the evil world?
Do you eagerly await Christ’s return?
Do you see a decrease pattern of sin in your life?
Do you love other Christians?
Do you experience answered prayer?
Do you discern between truth and error?
Do you have the witness of the spirit?
Are you rejected or persecuted for your Faith?
Just a lil taste for your salvation man
Read the whole book of 1 John
So...how do you fair on the answers to this list?
Do you enjoy fellowship with God?
Are you sensitive to sin?
Do you obey God’s Word?
Do you reject the evil world?
Do you eagerly await Christ’s return?
Do you see a decrease pattern of sin in your life?
Do you love other Christians?
Do you experience answered prayer?
Do you discern between truth and error?
Do you have the witness of the spirit?
Are you rejected or persecuted for your Faith?
Just a lil taste for your salvation man
Read the whole book of 1 John
So...how do you fair on the answers to this list?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Reflections on 2008
It's the beginning of 2009 and it doesn't seem possible. I'm realizing a lot has happened in the last year and have decided it's worth archiving. The year began with over a foot of snow in our new hometown and state of Ann Arbor, MI. We quickly began to like to the city, but dislike the weather. We found lots to do, and plenty of places to eat. The church search started off slowly, but we were settled by the end of Feb at Knox. We began serving right away and got involved in a small group, and I joined 2 womens Bible studies and a prayer group. The southern hospitality was severely lacking and we began taking great pangs to bring some of that to the great white north.
We started making some good friends and were traveling all over the place. First I went to Lafayette to help a friend with their new baby while Shaun went to Houston. Then he went to Berkeley, then I went to Lakeland, then he went to Nashville. Aug was a big with both of us going to Glen Lake and Italy. Then we met up with friends in Chicago, then I went to Lynchburg while Shaun was in Germany. Then we went to Lafayette for my great uncle's funeral. (Where I realized I hadn't mourned the loss of my great aunt who died the month prior...) Then we went to Knoxville and then back to Lafayette and Indy and back again. Whew.
Meanwhile, our old friends from Purdue, along with some new ones joined us in the Mitten. God began to do mighty works in all our lives and our small group grew closer. I had more epiphanies this year than ever before. I shared my testimony twice and have been asked to share it at a womens event in Feb at Knox. I started grad school at a Seminary and finally felt for the 1st time, maybe ever, that I had real purpose and didn't want to die. I also started appreciating how great we had it in Knoxville, and how times like that don't always come as easily.
It was a great year. God taught me so many things I hope I can remember them. I have started compiling and typing out the epiphanies so hopefully that will help. The theme for 2008 was, "Get out of your comfort zone." I think I fulfilled this one to the max!
We started making some good friends and were traveling all over the place. First I went to Lafayette to help a friend with their new baby while Shaun went to Houston. Then he went to Berkeley, then I went to Lakeland, then he went to Nashville. Aug was a big with both of us going to Glen Lake and Italy. Then we met up with friends in Chicago, then I went to Lynchburg while Shaun was in Germany. Then we went to Lafayette for my great uncle's funeral. (Where I realized I hadn't mourned the loss of my great aunt who died the month prior...) Then we went to Knoxville and then back to Lafayette and Indy and back again. Whew.
Meanwhile, our old friends from Purdue, along with some new ones joined us in the Mitten. God began to do mighty works in all our lives and our small group grew closer. I had more epiphanies this year than ever before. I shared my testimony twice and have been asked to share it at a womens event in Feb at Knox. I started grad school at a Seminary and finally felt for the 1st time, maybe ever, that I had real purpose and didn't want to die. I also started appreciating how great we had it in Knoxville, and how times like that don't always come as easily.
It was a great year. God taught me so many things I hope I can remember them. I have started compiling and typing out the epiphanies so hopefully that will help. The theme for 2008 was, "Get out of your comfort zone." I think I fulfilled this one to the max!
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