It occurred to me that my blog theme is being at sea... the concept of where you're just floating around, waiting to see where you go and what gets washed up on shore with you. Yet, I can't for the life of you tell you why I did this. When my friend was helping me set up my blog she wanted to know what to call it... and that's literally the 1st thing that came to mind... thoughts from afar, as though I was at sea, looking for the shore.
Ironically 7yrs later, I have joined the UofM Sailing Club. This too was a snap decision. My friend told me about it on like a Thursday about a month ago, and then in that moment, I realized I should join. Friday while he and I were at lunch w/Shaun, I told him I wanted to do it. And Saturday we were out at the club. The following week I began to wonder what I had gotten myself into as my friend and I began to practice knot tying and I totally panicked. "Ummm," I'm thinking to myself as my friend, and now my roommate are casually picking up all these knots from a You Tube video and I'm left with some sort of twisted piece of rope I'm not sure will come undone. "Maybe I should quit the sailing club, this was a dumb idea, I'm not a sailor!" These were my second thoughts as I have now switched to be one-on-one tutored by my roommate on how to tie these knots. "I can't believe I think I can do this." Another thought after failing my 1st "Knots Test." And this does not include the myriad of thoughts swirling about physics... how much I hate it, why would I possibly need to know any of it to sail, and aren't we just supposed to be having fun here?! Fun does not include math people!
So then comes this past Saturday. My friend is out of state visiting family, so I had to go it alone. You know alert I am in the morning, and despite him loaning me his GPS to get me there, I still got lost. (Somehow I chose the wrong "Favorites" address... which luckily was right by I-94.) Yet, even more surprising is that I arrived 10mins early! (Seriously like a record...) So here I am, 2nd person there, and the Vice Commadore tells me to go rig a boat. "Oh sure, no problem, yeah, umm, where are the sails? I need a what? A rudder? Where's that? Oh yeah, of course right in front of me... because I didn't even know what I was looking for.) So of course, I have done no reading in my lil sailing book; nor have I seen anyone rig a boat before in my life. Well, here we go. So the skipper stands on the dock (above me) coaching me how to rig this boat. Then I got out for a sailing lesson with this super competitive and talkative chick. (I was so glad I had eased into my morning by this point.) All is well, so then I offer to rig another boat. This time however, I'm given no instruction and just left to my own devices. So I'm talking to God, asking Him how I just got myself into rigging a boat by myself and praying that no one dies or is injured due to this and He reminds me things to do. So I only forgot 4 things from getting the sails to docking and raising the sails... not bad.
So I'm rushing home to shower for my graduation party (which I was exactly on time for!) and God asks me, "Why do you think you can't do anything?" Hmm, well, umm, hmmm. So then I start to realize all these things God is teaching me through the Sailing Club. I'm reminded that I enjoy being challenged. I'm completely out of my comfort zone and hate talking to strangers. With practice, I can tie knots... and I passed my test. And I might even be capable of learning a small amount of physics too. God was also teaching me about competition in a few ways. Like I realized if I was competitive (or perhaps a "J") I would actually feel compelled to get things checked off my ratings list, which I really don't. (The ratings list is the what qualifies you to take a boat out by yourself, but I don't want to go by myself...) And perhaps part of the reason I don't like competition is I don't feel competent. Which is also the reason it seems that I'm hyper-apologetic. I'm apologizing to you for my incompetence so you won't get mad and leave me. How's that for a revelation. So perhaps I don't push myself like I could.
So all that to say (which I realize was a lot) brings me to my title. Another friend on Friday said he was worried about me and thinks I'm longing for adventure, but searching for it in the wrong places. I had never considered myself an adventurous person, but maybe I am after all. So with this in mind, I can get more excited about checking things off my ratings list, because then I will be able to skipper a boat and be at sea :)
Monday, May 31, 2010
"Well I've only known you less than a year..."
I seem to have this effect on people. Where somehow you think/feel you've known me longer than you really have despite it being perhaps a year... or less. A friend I met last summer asked me today if we had that conversation in the summer of 08 or 09... well I didn't know her til 09... Her response upon me pointing this out? "Good grief." Yes, I know... time flies when you're introspecting. Maybe because I'm always with myself, and all I feel I know all my friends well, I guess I take my relational style for granted. Today we packed up some friends we met a year and a half ago. They are moving back to Knoxville. Shaun and I being the expert movers and packers that we (only due to practice) got everything to fit that needed to fit... with room to spare. We had dinner at the Zingerman's Roadhouse where I fell in love w/their sweet potato fries! (Honey, can you make me this?) And per usual, it didn't hit me that they were moving until we got ready to hug good-bye. That's when it always hits me... that this will be our last hug for a long while. I've enjoyed getting to know them, and I really like her pursuit of adventure. )She was very proud of me for passing my "Knots Test" for sailing!) I hate good-byes... they never feel fair.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Graduation Party!
I had my graduation party today. I combined many folks that haven't met and don't normally spend time together as I know them from different spheres. They all mingled and got along extremely well. Shaun made the antipasti platter complete w/yummy cured meats, marinated olives, cheese and baguettes... and of course, a cake complete with a cap and scroll! I had such an amazing time. I didn't escape to the kitchen to do dishes. I didn't spontaneously start cleaning up. In fact, when it came time for the last guest to leave, he asked if we wanted help cleaning up... and I confessed I hadn't given clean-up a second thought! It was such a joy and a blessing to have many of my favorite people all in one room together.
So, as a recent seminary graduate I'm realizing that I do thrive on chaos after all. I like to be challenged and I really am an extrovert.
So, as a recent seminary graduate I'm realizing that I do thrive on chaos after all. I like to be challenged and I really am an extrovert.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I Stand at the Door By Sam Shoemaker
I stand by the door.
I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.
The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.
Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.
Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.
There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away. So for them too,
I stand by the door.
I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.
Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door.
I stand by the door.
I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.
The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.
Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.
Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.
There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away. So for them too,
I stand by the door.
I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.
Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Things I was thinking about...
Beth Moore in "Breaking Free" gives us 5 thgs that are our birth right:
1) To know God and believe Him
2) To glorify God
3) To find satisfaction in God
4) To expc God's peace
5) To enjoy God's presence
Then gives 5 obstacles that prevent these from happening
1. Unbelief
2. Pride
3. Idolatry
4. Prayerlessness
5. Legalism
She later says, "If our liberty in Christ is going to be a reality in life, we are going to have to learn to walk in the freedom of Christ, independent of everyone else we know." Of course we need to rely on the BODY of Christ to help us so we can glorify Him together. She asked us what areas of captivity we had been set free from already. So I realized that I have been freed from the bondages of lying, insecurity, judgmentalness. How exciting is that?! Beth also says, "God hears the cry of the oppressed. He even hears the cries of those whose oppression is a result of sin and rebellion." Life is way too short for me to feel sorry for myself because of my sin because there is life and freedom through what God did.
I was really struck by the Heb word "aman" meaning to be firm, enduring, to trust and I asked myself how I had found Him to be faithful and trustworthy. His Word says He is, answers to prayer and that He tells me to trust Him when I'm struggling. Words to think about today for sure.
1) To know God and believe Him
2) To glorify God
3) To find satisfaction in God
4) To expc God's peace
5) To enjoy God's presence
Then gives 5 obstacles that prevent these from happening
1. Unbelief
2. Pride
3. Idolatry
4. Prayerlessness
5. Legalism
She later says, "If our liberty in Christ is going to be a reality in life, we are going to have to learn to walk in the freedom of Christ, independent of everyone else we know." Of course we need to rely on the BODY of Christ to help us so we can glorify Him together. She asked us what areas of captivity we had been set free from already. So I realized that I have been freed from the bondages of lying, insecurity, judgmentalness. How exciting is that?! Beth also says, "God hears the cry of the oppressed. He even hears the cries of those whose oppression is a result of sin and rebellion." Life is way too short for me to feel sorry for myself because of my sin because there is life and freedom through what God did.
I was really struck by the Heb word "aman" meaning to be firm, enduring, to trust and I asked myself how I had found Him to be faithful and trustworthy. His Word says He is, answers to prayer and that He tells me to trust Him when I'm struggling. Words to think about today for sure.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Couintry Songs I Like
The list is growing... here's the latest additions:
Trace Adkins "You're gonna miss this" - I love the lyrics to this one. It's so true, yet sometimes I'm glad it's over b/c I love where I'm at too.
Kenny Chesney "Dont Blink" - Wow, really like this and the lyrics are so true!
Jason Aldean "Amarillo Sky" - Hmm, makes me realize that G.A.P. & He gives us everything we need.
Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying" - This is very cool!
Josh Turner "Would you go with me" - This is a super fun song... so cute :)
Trace Adkins "You're gonna miss this" - I love the lyrics to this one. It's so true, yet sometimes I'm glad it's over b/c I love where I'm at too.
Kenny Chesney "Dont Blink" - Wow, really like this and the lyrics are so true!
Jason Aldean "Amarillo Sky" - Hmm, makes me realize that G.A.P. & He gives us everything we need.
Tim McGraw "Live like you were dying" - This is very cool!
Josh Turner "Would you go with me" - This is a super fun song... so cute :)
Friday, May 07, 2010
"Not knowing what shall befall me there." --Acts 20:22
I KNOW not what will befall me: God hangs a mist o’er my eyes;
And thus, each step of my onward path,
He makes new scenes arise.
And every joy He sends to me comes like a sweet surprise.
I see not a step before me as I tread on another year;
But I’ve left the past in God’s keeping,—the future His mercy shall clear.
And what looks dark in the distance may brighten as I draw near.
For perhaps the dreaded future is less bitter than I think;
The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink.
Or, if Marah must be Marah, He will stand beside its brink. It may be He keeps waiting, for the coming of my feet.
Some gift of such rare blessedness, some joy so strangely sweet,
That my lips shall only tremble with the thanks they cannot speak.
O restful, blissful ignorance! ’tis blessëd not to know;
It keeps me still in those mighty Arms which will not let me go,
And lulls my weariness to rest on the Bosom that loves me so.
So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might;
I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light;
I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight.
My heart shrinks back from trials which the future may disclose,
Yet I never had sorrow but what the dear Lord chose;
So I send the coming tears back with the whispered words, “He knows.”
--Mary Gardiner Brainard
And thus, each step of my onward path,
He makes new scenes arise.
And every joy He sends to me comes like a sweet surprise.
I see not a step before me as I tread on another year;
But I’ve left the past in God’s keeping,—the future His mercy shall clear.
And what looks dark in the distance may brighten as I draw near.
For perhaps the dreaded future is less bitter than I think;
The Lord may sweeten the waters before I stoop to drink.
Or, if Marah must be Marah, He will stand beside its brink. It may be He keeps waiting, for the coming of my feet.
Some gift of such rare blessedness, some joy so strangely sweet,
That my lips shall only tremble with the thanks they cannot speak.
O restful, blissful ignorance! ’tis blessëd not to know;
It keeps me still in those mighty Arms which will not let me go,
And lulls my weariness to rest on the Bosom that loves me so.
So I go on not knowing,—I would not if I might;
I would rather walk in the dark with God than go alone in the light;
I would rather walk with Him by faith than walk alone by sight.
My heart shrinks back from trials which the future may disclose,
Yet I never had sorrow but what the dear Lord chose;
So I send the coming tears back with the whispered words, “He knows.”
--Mary Gardiner Brainard
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Quote for the day
"Have you ever been in love? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore." -Neil Gaiman
I can't imagine my life not being impacted by those whom I love. However, sometimes I feel as though my life would be better off without all these divots on my heart where those that got in did damage. Sometimes I invited them there, and other just appeared, or got in by force. The feeling is the same. You touched my heart. You reworked part of it. My life got messier as a result. Divots are impressions on the soul. Once they are there, you are never the same afterward. I am forever changed by your love.
I can't imagine my life not being impacted by those whom I love. However, sometimes I feel as though my life would be better off without all these divots on my heart where those that got in did damage. Sometimes I invited them there, and other just appeared, or got in by force. The feeling is the same. You touched my heart. You reworked part of it. My life got messier as a result. Divots are impressions on the soul. Once they are there, you are never the same afterward. I am forever changed by your love.
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